Moving on…

i saw this pic on thatlittlesomthing.wordpress.com..

…thank u so much.this pic was my inspiration for this story n i hope u dont mind

She had cried so much when she heard Alan had cancer. Now she had no more tears to shed. She hadn’t cried at the funeral. Instead she stood by the coffin, telling goodbye to her long time friend and lover.

As she dangled her legs over the pier…she thought of the days she used to sit in the same spot talking with Alan, teasing him about his newest writings..how long ago it seemed…when it was barely a week.

People have gone back to their own lives, but her life was in stasis…waiting for her to make the first move.

She knew in time that she would but not now when the pain was too fresh…

She thought bitterly how much movies and Hollywood romanticized terminal illness…the protagonist would spend his last few days doing what he always wanted to do with his lady love and would die peacefully in her arms, with all his loved ones around him, promising to be together again in the next life…

How far from reality that was…

Cancer and the chemo with constant medications had drained Alan so much that it was difficult for him to stand much less go skiing in the alpines like in the movies. And there had been no dying peacefully either. She had watched helplessly as he moaned in intense pain clutching his stomach crying out for her help. And when his vitals almost  failed, his eyes blinded by agony had met hers for the last time…and he had died knowing he would never see her again..Pain has no dignity or grace…death even lesser…

No, she dint set much store for re-birth. That hope is for those who just cannot accept death. But she, she had seen death and knew there would be no return. And she wasn’t willing to believe otherwise even if they thought her a  cold-hearted bitch. Yes she hurt…so much that she would never be the same again. But in time this numbness and pain would fade and she would move on as everyone else…maybe even meet someone and get married and live a full and happy life…But for now she was content to sit by the pier near the house Alan had left her in his will.

While watching the sun moving closer to the horizon, she knew she would have to sell this house, her last physical reminder of him after sometime. For what use she had with this house when what or who attracted her to it no longer exists…

She knew she would never forget Alan, even if she moved on…pushed to the back of her mind and buried in new memories..yes…but when those memories come rushing back, he will  be there foremost in her thought…

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  1. #1 by splashofexpression on June 6, 2010 - 4:34 PM

    “Pain has no dignity or grace…death even lesser…” The strongest message in this piece. Life’s highlights are glamorized by Hollywood. Love, Death, Careers, Adventures….this piece really works to define real life events not the one with the happy endings. I really enjoyed reading this piece and feels it speaks volumes to all those who experience loss because of cancer or various other illnesses.

  2. #2 by hoiden on June 8, 2010 - 1:11 AM

    :)its really sad…but i guess that those who are suffering can hope that maybe they’ll die like its shown in the movies…surrounded by friends and with virtually no pain…that maybe what sustains them in their last days…

    thank u for reading 🙂

  3. #3 by moondustwriter on June 9, 2010 - 2:53 AM

    painful and sad – beautifully conveyed

  4. #4 by hoiden on June 10, 2010 - 1:48 AM

    thank u:)

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